Expert Dating Advice
Funny MySpace Pictures
Funny Rants /Jokes
Comedy Videos
News
Dating Advice Man
Cartoons
Chats
Games
Comedy Shows
Contact/Email Me
Free Newsletter
Links
Dating Coach
 Subscribe in a reader
Professional Dating Advice
Crazy T-Shirts
Watch my dating advice videos or improve your dating with dating coach HogWild.

How to give a Girl a Kiss she'll NEVER Forget How can I stop being clingy and needy? What are your Rules for Dating? How do you flirt over email or text message? How do I get a girl attracted to me? Does this guy like me or not?! How do I know if I'm really in love? How do I get a guy more attracted to me? Why do nice guys finish last? Neither of us has made the first move. Should I make a move or wait for him?www.hogwild.net

Get Instant Access to over 300 helpful + hilarious dating advice videos you can't find anywhere else! *** Join the HogWild Relationship Revolution! ***

Your Ad Here

Watch my dating advice video or read it below.

Hey Hog,

I just got into my first serious relationship and I screwed it up. She was very busy and didn't have time to talk so I would keep calling to see if she's alright, but I missed her way too much and I said the L-word!

Now she's mad and might want to back off from me for a while! I don't know what to do. Her birthday is coming up so I have to think of something quick. Thank you for your help!

- T in Buffalo, NY

Hog's Relationship Advice:

You're not ready for a relationship. The End.

Maybe you WANT a relationship, but that doesn't mean you're READY.

Just because I WANT a 175 inch flat screen television made out of diamonds and rare Giant Pandas, doesn't mean I can have one. I'm not ready financially. And you're not ready emotionally.

You're too needy.

NOTE TO PEOPLE WHO LOVE GIANT PANDAS: Giant Pandas are dumb and we should eat them until they are all gone.

If you go into a relationship in your current state you will always mess it up because you are not established as a person. This goes for guys and girls. When you go into a relationship, you are supposed to be creating a bond that makes both of you into better people.

If you (or she) is not yet fully formed (and this can happen at any age) then you won't be adding to each others' lives. One of the main points of having a relationship is to enhance each other -- make each other stronger.

Some main points of having a relationship:
- deep love
- deep lovin'
- deep fried chicken wings that she cooked up

There are 3 main states of being:

(This is from one of my MUST-READ books, the classic, The Art of Loving by Erich Fromm.)

1 - DEPENDENCE
2 - INDEPENDENCE
and
3- INTERDEPENDENCE

1 - Dependence is when you depend on somebody. When you are a child you love your mom because your life depends on her. This is a very valid form of love! Because your LIFE depends on her!

But this is not appropriate for a dating relationship. Your life does not actually depend on this other person. At least it shouldn't. Unless you have some weird fetish where you like to get dressed in a big diaper and she sticks a pacifier in your mouth while she sings you lullabies.

And as a Nonus (Negative Bonus), as the man, it takes away all your power. Generally, women like strong men who can take the lead and take care of them emotionally. Being dependent, you can do neither.

2 - Independence is when you don't need nobody for nothin'!

Most people don't ever fully make it to this level. But it's nice to at least sorta get here. At this level you can basically take care of yourself. You can take care of your basic needs. You won't starve to death. You are free. I think William Shakespeare explained it the best in his sonnet, "Thou Can Wipe Thy Own Ass."

But then at a certain point you realize that although you're doing it all yourself, things could be better if you share your life with another person. If you find someone whose strengths fill-in your weaknesses... someone you can learn from... this level is highest level called:

3 - Interdependence. You are able to be on your own but you CHOOSE to have someone else if your life because you realize this particular person will help make you into a better man. And you will help make her into a better woman.

HOW TO MAKE YOUR GIRL INTO A BETTER WOMAN
- Teach her to shut her flappin' yapper!
- Learn her how to make dinner, dammit!

OK, seriously: increase her confidence and sense of self-worth so she'll feel great about herself... while she's makin' dinner and shuttin' her flappin' yapper!

HA HA HA!

Interdependence is a powerful place to be. Because you know you can walk away from the relationship at any time and still be OK. Because you were once on your own and independent. You don't stay with her because you HAVE to, you stay with her because you WANT to. That's a major difference.

You need to find yourself as a man first. This has been a good experience for you. Blurting out the L-word has shown you something about yourself. Your behavior has probably shocked even you. Why would you get so clingy so fast?

You've acted like a 5 year old whose mom is talking on the phone and not paying him any attention. So you threw a tantrum.

Get comfortable with yourself before you attempt a serious relationship.

You should date. You should have fun. You should practice talking to girls, meeting new girls, kissing new girls. Because that stuff will show you there are LOTS of cool girls out there. You won't "fall in love" with the first girl who likes you back. You've got to have standards that girls must meet.

SOME BASIC STANDARDS YOU SHOULD REQUIRE FOR GIRLS
- She is an overall positive person
- She makes you feel good about yourself
- She bathes.

If you just go for any girl who happens to like you and then you act like she is your entire world then:

1 - she won't respect you
2 - when girls don't respect you, they're not attracted to you
3 - when girls aren't attracted they either cheat on you or break up with you
or
4 - she'll stay with you anyway because she can boss you around

Now if you like being bossed around and cheated on, then go for it!

In my experience, most girls want the man to lead her. But he must be worthy. You are not worthy.

Yet.

Build up your manhood. Grow your emotional pen!s until it is a mighty Thunder Stick of Awesome.

Become an independent man. Get strong.

I know you want a relationship so bad that you'll probably try to get into one anyway. But I'm telling you, until you get yourself together, it's doomed.

Doomed like a Koala Bear m@sturbating in the middle of a highway!
Doomed like a fat guy on a diet sitting on a chair made of cake!
Doomed like a recovering female sex-aholic sitting on a chair made of pen!ses!

Is there a way to correct your situation? Yes. But forget it. Really.

I would tell you but I care about you (I care about all my Hogs and Hoggettes)... I care about you too much to tell you. Because that would be like telling you how to fix the broken radio in a car that has no brakes.

Being an independent man involves getting a job, making money, not living with your parents, etc. And that stuff is important once you reach a certain age. But it's also important to become an emotionally independent person. This is something you can do after puberty.

Read the classic poem "If" by Rudyard Kipling. This poem is so dead-on accurate about how to be a Man that I taped it up on my wall. Right next to my Care Bears poster! :)

HOW TO BECOME AN EMOTIONALLY INDEPENDENT MAN
- Be happy with yourself.
There are things about yourself you don't like. You are either working to change those things or you accept them. Nothing else.

You don't need someone else to make you happy. You ARE happy.

- You don't look to others to tell you how to feel. You feel about things how you feel about things. You don't join them because you need to be part of the group.

- You don't need other people for approval.
You feel good about yourself no matter what anyone else says. You are a good person.

NOTE: Unless you do stupid things like talk about m@sturbating Koala Bears. HA HA HA!

If there are things about yourself that you don't like, you are working to change it. And that's great.

- You are not afraid to hurt someone else's feelings if necessary. In other words, you're not a kiss-ass. Sometimes things are wrong. And you aren't afraid to say so.

- You stand up for yourself.

- You make decisions and stick with them. Sometimes these decisions won't be popular. But you do what's right.

- You are confident.

- You know you are worthy of love. You love yourself. You know that God loves you.

And guess what? When you master this stuff, you will be ahead of 90% of the guys out there and you'll see how many more girls want to be with you!

Isn't that crazy? When you need 'em, they don't want you. When you DON'T need 'em, they want you! And you'll have your pick of QUALITY women who are also emotionally independent...

A girl who is beautiful, a girl who is positive, a girl who bathes.... a girl who knows how to make dinner and shut her flappin' yapper!

 Subscribe in a reader Share on Facebook

Did you like this article? Then buy me some chicken wings!

Ask YOUR Relationship / Dating Question!  More HogWild Dating Advice Man  

HOGWILD.NET Expert Dating Advice + Dating Advice. expert dating advice every day 

Discover all the compatible singles who match you