Girl
jokes. Girl: Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. Funny rants.
Dirty Jokes. Twisted Humor. |
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Girl Jokes, Funny Rants + Twisted Humor by HogWild
Met a nice girl. Real sweet. We like, made out and stuff. Cool. I call her to talk and to firm up our tentative plans for the weekend. I wanted to keep the conversation short because we had spoken for 20 minutes the night before and I don't want her to think I'm about to be her next boyfriend. Nothing against that. But, c'mon, I haven't even sampled her Fun Dip yet!
I'm in no rush to get to the Fun Dip, but I'm not going to give a girl all my time until I know the Fun Dip is uh, fun. You know what I mean? Because some girls take all the fun out of the Fun Dip. It's like you're at the pool... yay! But then there's this big sign listing all the Rules & Regulations: No Diving, No Running, No Splashing, No Peeing. Some of these lame girls should post a similar sign in their bedrooms: Bedroom Rules & Regulations: - No hair pulling Anyway, back to the point... I call the girl and it's cool. She's really easy to talk to... and when I say "talk to" I mean "listen to." Because she will not pause long enough to allow me to say anything! She's talking non-stop. At one point I got confused because I wasn't sure if I was on the phone or listening to AM radio. I was expecting there to be a break for a traffic and weather report. I don't know what she loves more: the sound of her own voice, or the sound of me listening. Now I'm thinking, "How can I get off the phone gracefully?" I don't want to hurt this girl's feelings. Then I hear it... a natural out! HER: So for dinner on Tuesday
night, I ate chicken salad... Dammit! This happened 7 times. 7 times I had a graceful way to end the conversation and 7 times she sucked me right back in it! Now I'm getting desperate. ME: I gotta go! The house is on
fire! I was so bored I started keeping a list of... TOPICS COVERED: Ninety minutes later... I can finally hang up. Holy crap! 90 minutes? What am I? A teenager? Now, I've had GREAT conversations with girls that last an hour or more... but during this conversation I spoke for a grand total of 5 minutes. In football they keep stats on Time of Possession. I lost that battle 85-5. So now I take a deep breath and as I slowly exhale to relax... my phone indicates a text message. It's her. She continues the conversation. Apparently there was something she forgot to say. HOLY CRAP!!! Do you realize how much time I've invested in this girl? All I have to say is that the s*x had better be amazing. So where should I take her on the date? I have the perfect place. The movies. Because she can't talk there. If somehow this goes past 1 date... I will ONLY take her to places where it is impossible to talk. HER: The movie was awesome! Where
are we going now? Then I'll take her to a really, really loud heavy metal concert. The plan is for a Saturday night do-it. Foreplay to the Do-it: ME: Go down on me. Making sweet intercourse: ME: I want to see how kinky you can
get. Then on Sunday morning.... ME: Let's hang out for a
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Girl
jokes. Girl: Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. Funny rants.
Dirty Jokes. Twisted Humor. |
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