♥ Relationship Problems: I wish my partner would be more perfect Expert Dating Advice
Relationship Problems: I wish my partner would be more perfect
by me, HogWild
K in Indianapolis writes...
I love this man and I know he loves me! Most of the time that's fine and I enjoy his company. That said, he's not a huge talker and I miss spirited debate.
I miss discussing things that are in my head, being a cerebral type. He enjoys what I write and he is an attentive listener, so it's not that he ignores me.
I just really love a sparkling conversationalist and would often put up with a scoundrel if he was verbal.
My boyfriend tells me that he often does not talk because he can't adequately express what he feels and it "always comes out wrong."
Hog's Note: Oh, I can understand that. Back when I growing up in the Bronx, there were a lot of misunderstandings because the words came out wrong. One time, the neighborhood playboy, Rubber Man -- we called him Rubber Man because he always carried 4 different varieties of condoms - mostly Grape, Banana, Cherry, and Diet Cherry. He said Diet Cherry was for the fat chicks because it would make them feel better. So anyway, Rubber Man asks L-Killa, "Can I borrow your sisters?"
Of couse, L-Killa goes into a rage. You don't earn the name L-Killa by being easy-going. That's why we had a guy named EZ-T. And Easy J. And Big Easy. And Lil' Easy. So L-Killa ends up beating Rubber Man's face so bad it looked like he attempted to perform oral sex on a piranha.
So what does that have to do with a misunderstanding?
Because Rubber Man's words always came out all wrong because he had a speech impediment due to his braces. That was the other reason we called him Rubber Man, because of the rubber bands in his mouth. He didn’t say, Can I borrow your sisters? He said, "Can I borrow your SCISSORS?" Turns out he wanted to cut up his expired condoms.
She continues... He can be very eloquent and he is a thoughtful, loving and playful man.
I guess I should be happy that he makes me laugh and that IS totally priceless.
Perhaps we don't discuss a lot because we have similar views regarding many things.
Why do we always want EVERYTHING?
I have been with very verbal and bright men without as much compassion as my boyfriend has and it left me heart sore. I guess I ought to keep recognizing that for the most part I feel at peace and know I am loved.
Thanks for making me laugh!
- K in Indianapolis
Your email made me smile because you recognize what's going on in yourself.
That said, I think you bring up a good point.
There is definitely a balance between acceptance of a person’s humanity AKA their faults and then the urge to nudge them to develop into the perfect creature you desire.
YOU AS A MAD SCIENTIST: Yes! I have created the perfect romantic partner! He is beautiful but he doesn't know it. He is intelligent but never patronizing. His jammy is always erect but he's only horny at the exact times as ME! Mwu-haah! Oh, and when he sneezes, gift certificates to my favorite stores shoot out of his nose.
Just remember, there are two people in this relationship and you may not have evolved into perfection yet yourself, either. :) So he has to be patient and accepting with you as well.
Another thing to remember is to keep your friends! No one person can be EVERYTHING. Keep your life full with good people who will participate in all the fun things you enjoy in life.
Because it’s a lot of pressure to put on one person to be your sole source of entertainment!
NEWSFLASH: This just in... Your partner can not do everything. They are a human being not a sex machine/juggler/story teller/fashion model/athlete/gourmet chef/masseusse/bartender/dance champion/home repair person/poet/real estate investor/singer. This has been a special report.
If you would like your partner to behave in a certain way, reward them when they do it. Encourage them. Don't be critical when they really try.
Think about how...
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- Acceptance is a big part of loving. If you can't accept any shortcomings, then you are not loving your partner.
- Encourage them and create an environment of the 3 P's...
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This morning I literally woke up, and just like that song, screamed out "I think I love you." So, the analytical person that I am, I decided to do some internet research, prompting me to conduct the aforementioned search.
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I think we are going to be together for a long time. Thanks again, Hog."
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♥ Relationship Problems: I wish my partner would be more perfect Expert Dating Advice