B in Portland writes...

Dear Hog,

Thank you so much for your incredible dating advice videos. They’ve helped me to tremendously improve my relationship.

What I'm working on now is that I really want my husband to be more assertive. When we were dating he seemed to be more comfortable with making decisions and taking charge. I found that to be very attractive.

As the years go on, I find that I'm shouldering more of this responsibility. Why is this? I would really like the dynamic to go back to how it was.

Thank you so much.

- B in Portland

Why are you doing more of the decision-making? Because you want to!

YOU: No, I don't!

Right! Not any more!

But in the meantime...

You’ve trained him to stop!

Your loved one reacts to your rewards and punishments. You want to speak to kindly to your partner, play some classical music, give them water and plenty of sunlight. Oh wait, that’s advice for how to care for a plant. hahaha :)

A man, a plant. Same thing. They both to spread their seed. Awww! hahah Nurture your man-plant!

As you've learned for yourself, being the decision-maker is not easy! It can even feel like a burden! Even when two people share the decision making, usually one person leads the way.

You now realize that you enjoy him in that role. And... he probably once enjoyed it because he did that during your courtship.

So ask yourself, have you been REWARDING him for this role, or PUNISHING him?

You need to whip, beat... oh wait. That’s advice for how to prepare eggs whites. haha

Leadership in a relationship is often a thankless job. Sometimes your partner only says something when you screw up.

Imagine that you put all this time and effort into planning a couples vacation. You’ve both been looking forward to it. You take on the responsibility to research the accommodations and book the flights and every little detail that goes into a big trip. You value your partner's input and try your best to make it a trip they will enjoy.

Then you get there and... some stuff doesn’t work out like you had hoped. The hotel isn't as great as the reviews indicated. There was a problem with the transportation from the airport. Now, your partner can react in two different ways...

This is taken from my Premium Members section where I post my new videos.

Here are some more tips, but only Premium Members get the entire video + access to over 125 full dating and relationship videos in the Video Vault!

- You are in a relationship with a HUMAN. Humans make mistakes. Do not punish a person for honest mistakes.

- As long as he's taking your best interests into consideration, if he messes up, be ready with a...

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Comment below! Are you frustrated that your boyfriend or husband doesn't take the lead to make decisions? What have you tried to do about it?

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