JUSTIN: As the year comes to a close and the sports calendar turns I want to take a minute to reminisce about the Champions of the Deuce Double-O Seven.
*** Colts beat the Bears 29-17 in Super Bowl XLI ***
JUSTIN: Why did this make me happy? Well even though my Cowboys got knocked out of the playoffs early and the Manning brothers are both weenies the fact that Indy won the Super Bowl meant that the ultimate douche bag Bill Belichick didnít and thatís enough for my spiteful ass!
HOG: Dude, I felt the same way when my New York Jets only lost to the Patriots by 10 points! Thatís a win in my book! I partied like the Jets won the Super Bowl! Woo-hoo! We only lost by 10!!!
POLICE: Sir! Why are you lighting garbage cans on fire and attempting to flip automobiles?
ME: We only lost by 10!!! Woo-hoo!
POLICE ON RADIO: Weíve got a 2-14 in progress. Pathetic Jets Fan gone nuts.
ME: Whatís a 2-14?
POLICE: The Jets won-loss record. HA HA HA! Weíd arrest you but youíd only depress the other prisoners. HA HA HA! Boys, weíre outta here.
*** The University of Florida wins the NCAA Football and Basketball titles ***
JUSTIN: In this day and age itís almost impossible to win two major titles in one calendar year but some how the Gators managed the feat. It just goes to show that while having great sports programs at your
university is important, but it doesnít hurt when you throw in great weather and tan chicks in bikinis! I mean if you were an 18 year old athlete where would you rather go to school, Wisconsin or Florida???
HOG: Wisconsin has some hot chicks, too. But you never really know if theyíre attractive until you take them home and unwrap them from their 17 layers of sweaters. Once I got in trouble in a situation like that. I went to college in cold-ass Cleveland. So I 'm waiting at the bus stop with a girl with a pretty face. I try to make some small talk:
ME: You must be warm wearing all those thick layers.
HER: Iím not wearing any layers!
Then she left.
*** Spurs sweep the Cavaliers to win their 4th title in 9 years ***
JUSTIN: Donít get me wrong, the Mavericks are my team but TEXAS is my home, so whenever a Texas team takes it to the house Iím happy! Now if youíll excuse me I have some pistols to fire in the air.
HOG: I feel the same way about New York City. I never root against my NYC teams. But for some reason I donít claim the entire state. I donít care if the Buffalo Bills win. I donít cheer for the Long Island Islanders. I
only root for NYC. And for that reason I donít cheer for the Minor League Staten Island Yankees. Heh heh. Little New York City humor there. Because Staten Island is a part of New York City butÖ oh forget it.
* Boston Red Sox sweep the Colorado Rockies
JUSTIN: Boston wins the World Series against Triple-A team Colorado Rockies. Actually since the Rangers suck and the Mets blew a 7 game division lead in the last month I think HogWild can agree with me that the 2007 baseball season never happened. Hank Aaron is still the home run king, there was no Mitchell report and the Boston Red Sox never won the title.
HOG: I LIKE your idea! The 2007 baseball season was all a nightmarish dream! When I wake up Joe Torre will still be managing the Yankees, the Mets are still favored to win the National League and Barry Bonds will still
be a lying douche-bag. WellÖ at least 1 of those things is still true.
* Roger Federer Wins Wimbledon and the US Open
JUSTIN: Say what you want about Tennis being a dumb sport but regardless of that fact, Roger Federer is the Michael Jordan of Tennis. Actually Serena Williams probably looks more like Michael Jordan physically but my point is that Federer is so good that he makes the rest of the tour look like amateurs.
HOG: HA HA HA! Serena Williams DOES look like a man. To be fair, so do many other female tennis players. Except not so much in the body as in their moustaches.
HOG: Tennis is a great sport. Womenís tennis is very competitive and features the occasional super hot babe from Siberia.
HOG: Menís tennis is hard-hitting and fast paced. My favorite sports in order:
*** Anaheim Mighty Ducks win the NHL Title ***
JUSTIN: I donít know what Iím more shocked about, that a California team has the best Hockey team in the league or that Hockey even still exists.
HOG: I knew I forgot a sport from my list! No I didn't. HA HA HA!
JUSTIN: Lastly Iíd like to thank HogWild for another great year of columns. See ya next year and Go Cowboys!!!
HOG: I will agree with you 100% except with a minor edit:
Iíd like to thank Justin for another great year of columns. See ya next year and Go Cowboys Cheerleaders!!!
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