Today I would like to discuss one of the World's Greatest Inventions... the Hot Female Sports Reporter.

REASON FOR INVENTION: To increase ratings. I mean, to provide up-to-the-minute sideline analysis of injuries, strategies, and mini-interviews.

And to increase ratings.

For the most part, these women are articulate and knowledgeable about sports. But for the most part, us men don't care. Boobies! Boobies! Boobies!

First, I present to you, Erin Andrews:

Erin Andrews always carries the 3 essentials for sports reporting: Microphone, ear piece, and hairspray.

Erin Andrews hard at work makes me hard at work. HA HA HA!

For some reason I really have a craving for oranges. Freshly squeezed oranges.

And finally:

I wouldn't mind diving head-first into that End Zone!

NOTE TO SELF: Grow up.

NOTE TO SELF: Yeah, right! HA HA HA!

Melissa Stark is a hottie. Here she is looking at something important:

And here she is saying something important:

And finally, here she is looking important:

Melissa Stark is really beautiful. Plus she likes sports.

NOTE TO GIRLS: Knowing sports is like, a super awesome bonus. It adds to your coolness. So does a knowledge of video games, gadgets, and professional wrestling.

NOTE TO GUYS: If a girl knows about ALL of those things, then give up. Because there is no woman on Earth who enjoys sports, video games, gadgets, professional wrestling AND the pen!s. She plays for the other team.

Next up, Suzy Kolber.

She's not in the same league of hotness BUT...

She gets super bonus points for being hit on by a drunk Joe Namath!

Namath was drunk and on National Television. (Always a great combination!) And he tells Ms. Kolber that he wants to kiss her. And just in case she -- and the rest of America -- didn't hear him, he said it AGAIN!

Sloppy Seconds off a Hall of Fame Quarterback is worth bragging rights. "I got with the girl who got with Joe Namath!" It's somehow both manly and g@y at the same time.

Rachel Alexander Nichols:

Ms. Nichols has beautiful skin. That's important. So soft. Nice skin makes you want to cover a girl with kisses. Bad skin makes you want to cover a girl with a paper bag.

Ms. Nichols is not only hot, but she has the amazing ability to NOT BLINK for 30 minutes at a time. This leads me to conclude that Ms. Nichols is a robot. ESPN has run out of hot women who know about sports, so they are building them!

Every night they upload the latest stats and stories into her hard drive.

NOTE: Man, I would love to be guy who plugs into her little USB port!

NOTE TO SELF: Tee-hee-hee!

Bonnie Bernstein has a special place in my heart. Not because she is Jewish and from New York like me. But because she is a four-time Academic All-American in Gymnastics!

Just like me!

Just kidding. But gymnastic ability increases a girl's hotness level by at least a point.

Next up, Jill Arrington:

She's retired but I'm including her because I can. How's that for a reason?

And also because she is the only (as far as I know) Female Sports Reporter to actually pose all sexy-like for a magazine:

Yowza! She's trailer-trash hot! Yeah, doggy! She's hotter than some Mac 'n Cheese right outta the microwave! Yee-ha!

Now I will reward all of you REAL HogWild fans who have made it to the bottom of my article. I know I lost a few of you for "personal reasons" right from the first photo. But now I present to you an undiscovered treasure of Female Sports Reporting.

Ines Sainz:

Ines Sainz is a Sports Reporter for TV Azteca. Once again, Mexican Television leads the way!

Mexican Television is far superior to American Television.

EVERYTHING on Mexican TV features hot girls in skimpy outfits.

Game Show host? Hot chick.

Talk show host? Hot chick.

Medical Drama? Hot medical chicks.

Commercial for Life Insurance? Si, senorita!

It takes Ines Sainz 3 hours to prep for games: 6 minutes studying news reports. And 2 hours and 54 minutes squeezing her ass into these jeans:

Ines Sainz wears cool (and functional) jewelry:

Because I think those white things on her necklace are tampons.

Aaaaaaaaawww!

And here is Ines Sainz walking. She's really good at it:

And finally, here is Ines Sainz reading a book.

HA HA HA!

Just kidding!