♥ Dating Advice: I cheated on him! Should I tell my boyfriend I cheated? Expert Dating Advice
by me, HogWild
M in Minnesota writes...
I've been with my boyfriend for almost two years. He's a very loving and sweet boyfriend. I thought I wanted to break up with him because everyone says he's too old for me and he's ready to settle down (all that junk), and I was just kind of bored.
I really want to try to make it work with him, but I feel so terrible, like he deserves someone better. He's an amazing boyfriend! He does everything he can to make me happy. I don't know what I was thinking. :(
- M in Minnesota
OK here's what you do. Your boyfriend must never find out! Get rid of all the evidence! The guy with whom you did the sticky-squishy-fishy-flop-dance... hire a man with an evil mustache to kidnap him to Antarctica where he will not have access to the internet or phones or cheese doodles.
Now for his friends... Slaughter them.
As for your vagina, cleanse it thoroughly with rubbing alcohol until it's squeaky clean. And if the guy's boink-stick entered your mouth, schedule an emergency meeting with the dentist so he may scrape all the reproductive microbes off your tongue and replace your molars with new ones. haha :)
You're not going to find much sympathy from the guys watching this. And probably not much from the women either. But, you're human, you made a mistake. A mistake you regret.
Like the time I had breakfast at ISLOP -- the International Slum of Pancakes -- and I ordered regular pancakes instead of chocolate CHIP pancakes. I was thinking, pancakes aren't very healthy, so I shouldn’t make it worse with the chocolate chips but then the entire ride home, I obsessed about my bad decision.
Chocolate chips, why have I forsaken you?!! What was I THINKING?! Sure, pancakes are delicious but when someone offers you chocolate chips, you TAKE them! There is nary a situation where chocolate chips won't brighten your day! That's right, I said NARY!
The point is... we all make mistakes. I should have ordered the chocolate chip pancakes, while you sat on a stray penis. A mistake nonetheless.
This is painful lesson for you to learn. First you must decide if you WANT to be with him. You didn’t cheat on accident. It happened for certain reasons. You need excitement in your relationship OR... you need to learn how to relax and enjoy a good thing. Make that decision for yourself.
It sounds like your boyfriend is a well balanced breakfast. You'd be foolish to skip that for a breakfast of beer and cake. Or cake beer. Whoa, a cake soaked in beer sounds delicious!
Sure that's fun, but it will make you sick. In your SOUL! What you need to do is sprinkle some naughty chocolate chips on your wholesome breakfast relationship.
You don't sound too ready to settle down since you refer to it as "all that junk." If you really crave sha-boinking around, then break up with him and do that. He may or may not be available for you when you're done with your HP. Ho Phase. HP is also known to men as Hallelujah P*ssy!
If you DO think you're ready to be committed and you have the right guy, then hey, it was a mistake. Maybe you need to slow down the emotional things in the relationship and speed up the sexy stuff in the relationship. Have some naughty sex outdoors, in outfits, with choking and face slapping and neck biting and wet willies.
YOUNG BOY: Mom! Look at those two people near the tree! It's a nurse and a matador! And they're wrestling! Mom! Why are they not wearing pants?
Now, if you want to be with him, don’t break up with him. At the same time, he has a right to know.
THINGS YOUR LOVED ONE HAS A RIGHT TO KNOW
- When you accidentally drop their steak on the kitchen floor but serve it to them anyway because you adhered to strict guidelines of the "3 second rule"
- When your birthday gift to them was paid for by the profits you made by selling things from their closet. Like their shoes, jewelry and that ugly sweater. That their grandma knitted for them. On the day she died. From a tragic knitting needle in the eye accident.
- When another man has kissed your passion area. With the mouth. Of his WIENER!
You clearly feel a lot of guilt and remorse. So here is exactly what to tell him...
This is taken from my Premium Members section where I post my new videos.
Here are some more tips, but only Premium Members get the entire video + access to over 400 full dating and relationship videos in the Video Vault!
- If he DOES take you back, you will have to earn back his trust. And you will have to fix the original problem of you feeling bored and perhaps frightened of settling down.
- Here is how you earn back his trust after you cheated...
Only Premium Members have access to this Video!
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♥ Dating Advice: I cheated on him! Should I tell my boyfriend I cheated? Expert Dating Advice