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Dating Advice Man + Twisted Humor by the Expert Dating Advice giver HogWild

My boyfriend's ex-girlfriend keeps calling him!

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Hi Hog,

My boyfriend and I have been together for a few months and it's wonderful, everything is wonderful. Except this girl who he dated for only 2 weeks last spring is still calling him! He always says, "I am busy, and I can't talk." But she still calls!!!! Its driving me crazy! When will she give up? Is she crazy? (By the way, he was her first boyfriend and all they did was kiss.)

- Jen

Hog's Relationship Advice:


Your man needs to lay down the law. He needs to tell her in a very direct way, "I am seeing someone new. Please stop calling me."

Unfortunately for you, guys never do this because we hate to upset our "just-in-case" ass.

You girls do this, too. You just lie to yourself about it. Is there REALLY a reason to keep in contact with your ex-boyfriend from Freshman year of college? But you know, one email every six months is enough to keep him alive as your "just-in-case" of a break-up go-to d!ck.

If this ex-girlfriend is really obsessed with him, then he needs to cut her out completely. None of this "being friends" nonsense. If they only dated for 2 weeks then they didn't build up any kind of incredible friendship. So that's out.

As for you, you have to trust your man. If you don't trust him then don't be with him.

Cheating requires 2 people. Just because she wants him doesn't mean he's going to give in. If he really values you, he won't hurt you because the pain of losing you will be greater than the pleasure of a hooking up with an old spring fling.

Tell your boyfriend that you care about him and that you would be devastated if he ever cheated on you. If a guy actually pictures the look on his girlfriend's face when she found out that he shaboinged another woman, he wouldn't be able to go through with it. Remind him that a woman always knows.

Back in the day there was this guy named President Bill Clinton. HE got caught cheating! The President of the United States with all his secret service and armies and CIA got caught! That means ANY guy can get caught.

Guys cheat because it's an ego-boost to know that another girl finds them sexy. And also because we like boobies. Guys cheat because they think their woman won't find out. Or because he doesn't appreciate his girlfriend anymore and doesn't really care if he gets caught.

WHAT YOU SHOULD *NOT* DO:

Do not threaten the other girl. It will make you look insecure. And it will make her work harder to "win" your boyfriend away from you. Because if you're really fighting hard for him, he must REALLY be a prize! Now she wants him even more.

NOTE: The exception to this rule is you 2 agree to fight in Jell-o.

NOTE: Or banana cream pie.

NOTE: Or in my living room.

Ignore the girl and and have your boyfriend do the same. After telling her directly that he has no interest in her and says goodbye, he should ignore all her attempts at contacting him.

Even if you do bust this girl in the mouth, there will always be another girl who tries to take your man. But if you really have a good guy who appreciates you, he will NEVER cheat on you.

NOTE: Unless he's away on a business meeting.

NOTE: Or vacation.

NOTE: Or a really hot ex-girlfriend calls because "Is it really cheating if it's a girl you've had sex with before?"


Don't let this other girl drive you crazy. It's up to your boyfriend to be faithful. Just like it's up to YOU to be faithful to HIM. YOU have dudes hitting on you, asking for your phone number... is your boyfriend supposed to go out and slay all these dudes? He has to trust you. And you have to be willing to do the same.

This is why it hurts so much when someone cheats. Because you put your faith in that person. But remember, you are dating a human. Humans mess up. There is only 1 thing you can put ALL your faith into... chocolate. And God.

By definition, God can't mess up because everything He does is right. Lucky bastard. He gets to know all and see all. Meanwhile we're down here bumping our sticky parts into each other, trying to make sense out of it all. It's like we've got 20 pieces of a giant jigsaw puzzle. And we don't even have the picture on the box to guide us!

But God has it. And He's laughing his heavenly ass off!

GOD: That piece doesn't go there! Why are you trying to jam your piece of the puzzle into hers? HA HA HA!! Silly humans!

Twisted Humor


 

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