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Christopher Columbus was The Man!

Whether or not he INTENDED to discover America is irrelevant. The fact is, he did it. And because of the awesome marketing and spin control of Mr. Columbus, he's got all sorts of places named after him! He's honored with: the nation of Colombia, U.S. capital the District of Columbia, and maybe the most prestigious honor of all -- the city of Columbus, Ohio.

So on Columbus Day we pay homage to a fearless explorer who accidentally discovered a New World full of abundant natural resources, beautiful women, and Mexicans.

Now it's up to me to bring to light some other Accidental Discoveries that are not yet recognized...

*** The World's Greatest Accidental Discoveries ***

1 - While trying create the world's strongest vacuum in 1946, Engineer Paul Gill accidentally discovered something else that sucks... the New York Knicks.

2 - In 1991, Teddy Felcher of Alpha Zeta Beta Fraternity had no sandals to wear to the Toga Party, so instead he wore his shower flip-flops outside. This lead to the trend of young white men wearing flip-flops out in public, thus Mr. Felcher should be credited with discovering the modern-day "Douche-Bag Look."

NOTE: Mr. Felcher's discovery is disputed by the Vikings who claim that they looked like douche-bags first.

3 - One of the world's greatest discoveries, the female GPS Navigational voice.

The 1st GPS voice was a man. But female motorists laughed at the idea of a man who supposedly knows directions. And men didn't like another man's voice telling him what to do because this lead to arguments where the GPS voice would say things like, "Turn left! I said, LEFT, ya jackass!"

GPS inventor Frank Hergles didn't know what to do UNTIL... he was driving in the car with his Prozac-popping wife...

HIS VERY CALM, DETACHED WIFE: Turn left in a quarter-mile. Then bear right.

FRANK: Gizelda, you're a genius! I'm going to use YOUR voice! Women don't mind "sharing" directional information with each other and most important, a man is already accustomed to a woman telling him how to drive!

4 - In 1998, social scientist Dr. Frederick Peters was conducting research with the severely mentally handicapped. His research showed that retarded people love shiny things that move around such as pinwheels and waving a flashlight on the floor. It just so happened, that morning he hit the curb and his hubcap fell off. So he brought the hubcap into work and his patients went crazy with delight, rolling the shiny hubcap on the floor.

And that's when he realized the incredible market that existed for Spinning Rims.

5 - Steroids. While preparing for the triathlon in the 210 B.C. Olympics, Juicingus Maximus experimented with different strength formulas.

Not only was it important to be strong, but also to look good because back then Olympic athletes competed while totally n@ked.

Maximus tried all of the standard Greek methods such as, right before a match making love to his sheep. But this time he tried something different, he ate a pair of bull's testicles. It made his muscles grow while at the same time made his own testicles shrink. Bonus! Because now he was stronger AND had less wind resistance while running n@ked.

6 - In 1952, NASA scientists were searching for the perfect thrust/angle of trajectory to send a woman into an out-of-this-world-orbit. This was called the Venus Mission, abbreviated as The Venus. The Venus was long and hard, but astronauts were confident The Venus would come.

First they sent up Apollo 7, but with disappointing results. Then Apollo 8. Then finally Apollo 9, which touched-down on previously uncharted territory -- The G-Spot. The Venus had contact. And judging from audio, the woman was launched into the cosmos. But unfortunately, The Venus exploded on re-entry.

NASA has never been back to the G-Spot causing some to speculate that it wasn't only the Moon landing that was faked.