B in Minneapolis writes...

Hey Hog,

I brought this girl to a tomato fight for the first time we hung out. We each had a blast and that kind of stuff is both our style. So I know the location and everything was not the issue.

HOG: That is one of the coolest first dates I've ever heard! Great idea! It's outrageous, fun, a bonding experience, leads to memorable stories, you can talk during tomato combat and there is an opportunity to touch. Like when she licks your wounds! haha :) Good job!

I paid for her ticket but she snuck money in my glove box before I dropped her off and she texted me saying "Thank you, it was way fun today! I left you a present!"

I called her and she didn't answer, so I texted her saying "Why did you give me the money back? My intention was to take you out as more than just a friend. Ideally I would rather talk about this over the phone but I would like to use this money to get some dinner with you tonight."

She never did respond.

I have known her for awhile, we each went to the same high school, but that was the first time we had hung out alone since I recently saw her at a mutual friend's party. She just ended a relationship with a guy (who also had a kid). We had great conversations the whole ride there and back, it was fun at the tomato fight but when I would touch her shoulder or arm while talking she would not lean away but she would never lean in and never returned any touching.

She owns a house and has a great job and I live at my parents right now and currently do not make as much as her but I believe it's only a matter of time that I will be making good money but I hope this was not a big concern of hers.

She is a really awesome girl. She loves outdoor stuff just like me, she is super smart, also wants to own a business, she is caring and compassionate, fun and adventurous, and goes to church like me.

My Question is: Should I just cut my losses? Or should I try to stay friends with her? Is that going to make me look like a lame ass weak guy?

Do you think there is any way I can pull this off by building a better friendship first and giving her time to get over her last relationship without being the weak guy?

- B in Minneapolis

If she just exited a relationship, she might not feel ready to get into a new one just yet.

It's like if you just ate huge meal, then someone hands you a delicious plate of food. Yes it looks good, but your last meal made you want to puke.

What I'm saying is, the sight of you makes her want to vomit. hahah But it's not your fault! It's unlucky timing.

So #1 is increase her attraction to you.

She’s either protecting herself emotionally by not allowing herself to feel attracted to you or you’re not her type. If you flirt, she should flirt back. She should touch you back. She should mirror your body language and your word choices. She should start to act more girlie around you tossing her hair, being a bit nervous, possibly acting a bit submissive, making herself pretty when she knows she's meeting you.

Good sign for a date: She arrives wearing make-up, stylish clothes, and she says, "Hey, I'm ready for our adventure! Take me where your heart desires."

Bad sign: She arrives wearing her green mud mask, a sweat stained t-shirt and she looks you in the eye, gives you a fist-bump and says, "Romantic dinner, let's DO this!"

If you really like this girl, here’s a strategy:

Give her what she wants.

Maybe she just wants fun right now without relationship thoughts. If that’s the case, be easy and good natured without pressuring her for a relationship. She’s probably confused and she might even be thinking about getting back with her ex.

Then after some healing time, she will realize she’s ready again.

SIGNS YOU ARE READY FOR LOVE AGAIN

- You stop hating all members of the opposite sex. You’ve realized, to be happy, you must focus all of your hatred on your ex. :)

- You spend more time laughing, when thinking of your ex's lack of sex skills.

- You find yourself singing songs out loud and none of the lyrics contain the words "murder" "bitch-ass" or "murder-dat-bitch-ass"

SIGNS YOU ARE *NOT* READY FOR LOVE AGAIN

- when looking at photos of your ex, you need to keep tissues nearby. Because you're crying. And masturbating.

If you remind her of her ex (the single dad thing) she might be unfairly saying “here we go again” and she assumes she will have the same issues with you as with her ex.

In that case, if she really is that awesome to you, stay on her radar but give her less time as you devote more time to your career goals and to other potential girlfriends. Once you’re back living on your own, you will raise your status in her eyes (even if she says otherwise.) Girls want to see that you’re independent.

Here are two tactics. Choose one...

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